*Sometimes I wish I weren't so smart, so intuitive. Wish I were stupid, naive, ignorant..just sometimes... Me

*It would be so nice if somethings made sense for a change-Alice; Alice in Wonderland

*Shut the front door.... Oreo

*Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss

*If you think it's about you, it probably is even if I didn't mean it to be... Me

*When there's an elephant in the room introduce him- Randy Pausch

Thursday, September 8, 2011


So, I know I have been quite depressing lately. I also realize I haven't been writing. I guess the two must go hand in hand. That is depression, and blogger's block.  I haven't felt funny lately. I haven't felt like writing lately. To be honest I haven't felt much lately. Even my sadness seems to feel hollow. 

I've been kind of wishing I was a kid again lately. Not a teen kinda kid, but a kid kinda kid.  The kind of kid that just lays on the floor tossing a stuffed animal in the air, catching it, and singing at the same time and totally saisfied, kinda kid. I envy my little guy, my 5 year old. Just simple stuff seems to satisfy him. His worries are few, and the ones he has are easily eased. His nightmares go away in my bed, his scary thoughts away in my arms, and cuts are healed with neon, or transformer bandaids. Simple.
If it were only so easy now. So easy to make the wounds heal. 

When you had a cut you would just put some neosporin, a bandaid, and a kiss. All was better.
You could change the bandaid, and see it healing, as you quickly ripped it off.  A few days and a scab.
No more bandaid needed. You could watch it heal, watch the scab get better, or fall off, see the scar. See the scar fade. And, with that it was healed.
The heart is so different for me. I can try to put the bandaid on, and the cream, and sometimes I rip it off to see if it's healed. But, you can't see the heart really, you can only feel what's going on with it. If it still hurts you try and put the bandaid back on, and give it some more time. I find it easier to visually watch something heal, then to feel the pain so many times, and hope that everyday it gets better without any setbacks.  For me the slightest setbacks set me off, like the scab falling off  because you rubbed it when you got out of the shower, and then it needs the time to heal over again. 
It's a process, for some a quick one, for me a slower one. Some people just heal quicker than others.

I guess that's why I wish I were a kid again, the pain of the scrapes is so much easier to deal with than the pain of a broken heart.  The difference I guess is as a kid you never think that cut is going to heal, feels like forever sometimes.As an adult you know it won't be that long till the bleeding stops, till the scab forms, the bandaid goes, and the scars fade.   It's the same as the heart in that way, I know it will heal, I know the hurt will lessen, and then go away, it has before it will again... I guess in that respect I'm glad I'm not a kid anymore.. maybe..

Just wish that transformer bandaid would work as good on the heart as it did on the knee..

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