*Sometimes I wish I weren't so smart, so intuitive. Wish I were stupid, naive, ignorant..just sometimes... Me

*It would be so nice if somethings made sense for a change-Alice; Alice in Wonderland

*Shut the front door.... Oreo

*Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss

*If you think it's about you, it probably is even if I didn't mean it to be... Me

*When there's an elephant in the room introduce him- Randy Pausch

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


All my life I have been surrounded by boys, men, males, dudes,guys.  All my life.  I am the oldest of three, that is I am the only girl of three. I have two younger brothers. I have 3 sons. I have a father (sort of). I have an X. I had a husband. I have had mostly male bosses, even my favorite boss although a woman, was gay. I have babysat, they were even boys. I tutored BOYS.  I date, sometimes men, sometimes boys.  Anyway, my point is merely that I am surrounded by males of some sort.

You would think I'd have a better understanding of them, nope, I don't.

My 5 and now three quarter (he has made it quite clear that the three quarters is an extremely important part, dont forget the three quarters!!)year old is probably one of the funniest boys I know. He has this unending stream of energy. Most of it comes out of his mouth. He does not stop talking.. no, not ever!!!  This must be a gene that runs rampid in my house of boys.  My 13 year old ,  after the hour of 9pm  he does NOT shutup!!  It amazes me.  My 10 year old only speaks when he's in a good mood, I've yet to figure out how to keep him in a good mood, sometimes I'm glad, as he will be the one to be quiet. But when he starts, OMG, well let's just say it's hard to keep up,because everything is a joke.  One thing they all do is sing, they sing all day, about anything. Sometimes it's a song, I mean a real one. Sometimes it's about farts, macaroni, me, them, rainbows and unicorns, I don't know,  I just know they sing. They  sing in the shower, in the bathroom, in the car, in their beds, in the pool, in the movie theatre, let's just say they sing everywhere!!

I guess my question is when is it that they stop talking? When do the walls actually go up?  When do their communication skills go to shit? When do they stop expressing their feelings?   This is important to me for a few reasons. One, I am raising three of them,and I do not want to add to the list of shitty ones out there.  Two, on occassion I date them. Three, I am involved with my X,  and he is involved with my, i mean, our guys as well.

Communication could've been the fall of my marriage. Lack there of.
I think I figured that out for sure, when my X  was shocked by my want of a divorce.    So his question of "What, you want a divorce?, Really?  We haven't fought in so long?" was surprising.   My answer, was merely  "We haven't fought, because we haven't talked, not uttered a word to each other, nada, nothing...."      
Ok, there were other reasons, but my point here is communication.
I'm almost sure that when he was my, our boys' age he talked, unending blabber.. when did it stop?

My boys tell me everything... and with feeling. They communicate they tell me how they feel.  I know someday it will end. I have seen evidence of this. It makes me sad, I want them to be able to tell a girl (not yet!) how they feel. I want them to keep the lines of communication open. Women, girls, like this.

Today if my little guy likes me he says, "mommy you know what, I like you",.,,,  my older guy always says "mom, I love you",   middle guy always says but only at bedtime.. "i love you mom, i do."    Of course they're very free with the I hate yous, you stink, go away, i want to move out, as well.   But, they are communicating, showing their feelings.
Men need to take cues from boys when it comes to showing their feelings.  Why can't they just say I like you?  Why can't it just be a straight forward thing??  Or, I don't like you.  Something, anything.   It would, in my opinion make dating, relationships, even marriages a little better.
I am not by any means saying women are necessarily good at communicating, or talking about their feelings,  believe me, I have my moments.  I guess we all need to be better communicators, I guess my rant is basically about male communication for now.

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