*Sometimes I wish I weren't so smart, so intuitive. Wish I were stupid, naive, ignorant..just sometimes... Me

*It would be so nice if somethings made sense for a change-Alice; Alice in Wonderland

*Shut the front door.... Oreo

*Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss

*If you think it's about you, it probably is even if I didn't mean it to be... Me

*When there's an elephant in the room introduce him- Randy Pausch

Thursday, August 11, 2011

El corazon..La cabeza..

Intuition- Knowing something without being able to explain how you came to that conclusion, rationally.
Gut feeling as I like to call it. My Gut is probably smarter than my Head and my Heart, and I hate it for that reason. I wish my Heart would smarten up. Take a class maybe??  My Gut could be the teacher.  My Head well that's another story, my Head is pretty smart too, much smarter than my Heart, but I seem to ignore it when I shouldn't, and listen to it at the wrong times.
I read an article once that said we need to use our heart for the emotional part, and the feeling, and then look to our head to smooth it out to rationalize it.  Maybe when I go for that cat scan to turn off the repeat button they could fix that too.
I try to fool myself into things sometimes too. I avoid all three of those parts, and use what I call my Stupid.  I'll date someone for longer than I should telling myself it will work out. I try eating something I hate because someday I'll like it because it's good for you, I say yes to things over and over figuring eventually I wont mind. My Stupid. I use it a lot.  The funny thing is I don't consider myself Stupid by any means.  My Stupid overrides my Heart, Head and Gut a lot.  Stupid.
My Gut is telling me I need to move on from a current situation, get out of it,  that in the end it will lead to nothing good, or productive anyway, so why bother.  I think I knew that when I started this situation, but went with my Heart and my Stupid. That combination is like a match put to gasoline. BOOM... always explodes. But I still do it.
So now I'm trying to listen to my Head and my Gut. A combination that will cause sadness for now, but probably wind up much better in the end.   The problem with this is I have very little good experience with it, and I hate the road to the end, to where it will be OK.   Hate it.
I envy people who have no feelings, who move on, create no connections to other people, who can throw themselves into their work till they feel better. I hate all of you!  I can't do that. I obsess, I'm an obsessor of all  that is evil.. and sad.... Sure I have good days, you know the ones where you get all mad, and like f**k him or her. I'm better. Those are the feelings I need to hold on to , because I am better. But.. then Heart is like "hellllooo, knock,knock  anyone home?"  I wish I could ignore the call, the knock, like I do in the "real world". Unfortunately that is one knock or call I can't ignore.
So, I'm going to work on this.. I'm going to try and kill the Stupid, ignore the Heart for a little while, welcome back the Head, and  embrace the Gut.  Now, I can tell you in all honesty that this will take a long time, so don't expect a post on  wow I did it. But , maybe someday, maybe a little, maybe one day at a time. We can pretty much learn anything I think, I mean I do know a few words in a few different languages..

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