*Sometimes I wish I weren't so smart, so intuitive. Wish I were stupid, naive, ignorant..just sometimes... Me

*It would be so nice if somethings made sense for a change-Alice; Alice in Wonderland

*Shut the front door.... Oreo

*Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss

*If you think it's about you, it probably is even if I didn't mean it to be... Me

*When there's an elephant in the room introduce him- Randy Pausch

Friday, August 26, 2011

I am Not a Razor

I have been lucky and unlucky in dating.  Lately it seems like the latter is picking up speed.  One thing I can say is that it is a learning experience. Only, some of the things I am learning are a bit disheartening.
I guess I've been a bit naive, thinking that all people genuinely care about others. Wow, was I wrong.  
I always liked to believe that things not people are disposable.  I have learned otherwise.  People are disposable. 
I know in the work place people are always told don't slack, you're replaceable. I guess this is true, there are millions of people in the world, someone can always take over, or fill in.  Internet dating has made people disposable as well.  You can keep someone on the back burner, or the grass is always greener saying hold true here.  Always someone else looking for a date.  How about there are plenty of fish in the sea.. just move on.. all of these things make people disposable, replaceable, even recycleable. You know cast them aside for the time being, bring them back when you need them.

We live in such a disposable society, always something better coming out, you buy an Ipad, 3 months later you want the I pad 2.  Nintendo DS, Nintendo DS lite, Nintendo with a camera, Nintendo DS in 3D.  Manufacturers of products like this make us a crazy society, always needing the next best thing.. really gives new meaning to keeping up with the Jones'.

So why should I be surprised when this spills over into people throwing away people. I guess what is more surprising, is not that people are disposable, but more that relationships are.   Which at the same time means feelings are. And this is where I don't fit in.  I cannot just turn feelings on and off. I don't think I understand people that can. However, it is a common thread among guys.  They can just move on. I mean I am sure there are many women that can do this too, but I don't date women. 
Relationships should not be disposable, I guess if you're one of those turn my feelings on and off kinda people it's easy.  Not so for me.  Relationships take work, if you already invested the time, the feelings, or have involved another human  you need to take care.  
I am guilty of trusting completely, of going all in, how else will you ever know? Unfortunately taking this road leaves many opportunities to get hurt. I seem to be finding them all. 
I have decided to take a dating sabbatical, for the first time I'm tired of being disposable, of being broken, sad, and all the rest.  Someone once told me you can choose to be the victim or the student.  I don't really think I chose to be the victim.. I just have feelings, and although I don't wallow in bed all day like I'd like to some days, I still don't want to be the victim.  I know I deserve the best and that I'm a great catch so to speak. That does not mean I cannot be sad.. or hopeful.. or hopeless.. or any of those things.   Being the student comes much easier to others, especially those who can turn their feelings on and off.    I like having feelings for others, I like the idea of caring, of taking care of someone, of someone taking care of me or my feelings.  I just wish that there were more guys like that around, well at least that the ones that I fall for were a little more like me.   Just a little..

Anyway, people and relationships are not razors.. we're more like flat screen TV's with mercury.  You know we need to be taken care of when "disposing " of. Not just tossed aside in the garbage can because it's so easy to buy  new razor. For a TV you think longer, harder, what should I do, they aren't so cheap, so easy to get. Then when you decide to buy the new one you have to find a certain recycleable center, have someone help you get the big TV there, and dispose of it gently, the right way, so that getting hurt is minimized..    

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