*Sometimes I wish I weren't so smart, so intuitive. Wish I were stupid, naive, ignorant..just sometimes... Me

*It would be so nice if somethings made sense for a change-Alice; Alice in Wonderland

*Shut the front door.... Oreo

*Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss

*If you think it's about you, it probably is even if I didn't mean it to be... Me

*When there's an elephant in the room introduce him- Randy Pausch

Saturday, August 6, 2011

*I think people like the funny me, but are afraid of the other me*

Ever have one of those days? Those days where nothing you do can shut your mind off?  I went walking today, I walked for almost 2 hours. I've heard coaches say walk it off all the time.  I tried walking it off, I mean I really tried.  I had a few moments of smiles, the old man in the biker shorts, the happy couple with the baby, the little girl playing with her guinea pigs, and the young guy mowing the lawn.  Yeah I had moments. Just moments.
I know I'm an adult, but I'm kind of living in a teenage girl's world sometimes. It's a hard world. I know we tell them it will get better, this is not the worst, you'll get over that boy. I right now, apologize to all teenage girls that I ever said that to.
Today is the Taylor Swift concert, I can't help thinking about her, and how she's Fearless in singing about anyone  who has done her wrong or right. The guy she loves, likes, hates. I love that about her. We as her audience try to figure out who she's singing about. John Mayer? Taylor Lautner?  When they hear it they know it is being sung to them. Lots of people are reading this..  
I'm sad today, borderline I want to puke from sadness. Feeling almost broken, defeated once again, and really for no good reason.  Well for no good concrete reason, nothing has happened.  But, it is happening. I feel it, I know it. I've been here before.  and secretly I hope I'm wrong..not just hope but big wish on a star, wish on an eyelash,wish when  the clock says 11 11  kinda hope. Im wishing to be wrong..
Ever jump in the pool really quick and then wish you hadn't? Ever say yes to someone's favor,then wish you didn't?  Ever said something in the heat of passion, anger, happiness then wish you'd kept your mouth shut?
I think that is what happened, I think maybe that's what they did.  I think.
Dating is so hard. I don't fall all that easy. But when I do I fall hard. I don't mean in love, I just mean taken by someone, enamored, charmed..I think I've always been that way. I like to have a heart wide open, I like the feeling of letting someone in. I don't like the feeling of them falling out. But, sometimes they go hand in hand.

I know I'm not ready to get married, to live with someone again, I don't know that I ever will be.
I know I am ready to be in like with someone again, I'm certainly ready to be liked that way again. I've had a taste of it lately, I liked it.  I want to keep that, but I don't think I am, I don't really know why.
I'm a girl, and any guy who thinks they will meet a girl who is just strong, and confident all the time is mistaken. I am a girl, I do silly girl things, I can be needy, emotional, crazy.. just as I can be strong, bitchy, sane, and a grown up.. but I'm still a girl. I like to be reassured. I like to hear I miss you,I'm thinking of you, I just want you.   Any girl who says she isn't those things is a liar. Any guy who thinks we aren't is stupid.
I like this guy, he's a great guy. But today I'm sad. Today I'm sensing something is different, ok maybe not just today.. maybe the past day or so.  I don't really know why. I just know. I miss him, everything about him, even his cockiness that I like so much. . I feel like I can't say I miss you, or thinking of you anymore.I don't hear them lately either.  I don't know why,or  what it is that has changed. But, I still like that guy I met in the bar, I like that guy who said such amazing things. He has amazing eyes, and an amazing smile too.  I miss him today, I'm afraid I may have to miss him for many more days.
I hope not, not yet.. I'd like more chances..

I think Taylor would be proud.

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