*Sometimes I wish I weren't so smart, so intuitive. Wish I were stupid, naive, ignorant..just sometimes... Me

*It would be so nice if somethings made sense for a change-Alice; Alice in Wonderland

*Shut the front door.... Oreo

*Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss

*If you think it's about you, it probably is even if I didn't mean it to be... Me

*When there's an elephant in the room introduce him- Randy Pausch

Sunday, August 7, 2011

A Monkey Riding A Bicycle

Things in this house are constantly disappearing.  I know, and am sure, of the people that live in this house.  I have not seen any ghosts.. wellll that's not really true, but that's another blog.
The top 4 items missing, socks, remotes, library books, and pencils.
SOCKS- If everyone reading this gets together we could have a sock gathering. I'm sure we'd come up with many pairs. It could be like a dating service for socks.  Shit, can't be any worse than Match, and Eharmony, and people are joining those things all the time..

PENCILS-I buy boxes, boxes, and boxes of pencils. As a teacher good old fashioned yellow #2 pencils are always here. They all have nice pretty pink erasers at the top, some work some leave those ugly black marks, ok I digress. Yes we always have pencils...NO, NO we never have pencils! Where the hell do they go?? Do they eat them, sell them, give them to their friends, have a pencil stand on the corner???  I cannot for the life of me figure out why we never have a damn pencil in this house..Teachers, this year I'm trying this, "Guys, if you don't have a pencil don't do your HW"  My boys will cry..no they really will, -if you know them you know they'll cry, my nephews not so much-   and teachers when they tell you their crazy ass mother said this, it's true, we had no pencils I didn't feel like buying more, no hw done..

REMOTES- This one totally boggles my mind. 5 TVs one remote. WTH are they??  I've even helped in the search.. nothing, nada, zip.  Really??? Who is here with us,who is playing this cruel joke. It's so annoying having one remote. You know it's not like when I was little these tv's are different they require a remote. Probably the reason we're all fat, ..we should blame Samsung.  When middle guy goes to bed he needs the remote,he brings it up, I have to bring it down. He comes down, mom I need the remote there's a scary show on,Ok, take it, I go up I get it, ok, you see how this goes. I guess that's like having one of those old TV's where you get up to change the channel.

LIBRARY BOOKS- The neighbor takes little guy to the library all the time, he is a phenom when it comes to reading,(takes after mom, heehee), He seriously read "The Help" over my shoulder.
However, he loses books, oh wait no he doesn't lose them, they fall in the hole with the socks and the pencils and the remotes.
Here's what happens when they go missing..
Neighbor  -UMM, Kathy, have you seen that library book 'Curious George Rides a Bike'?
N-Well I got a letter today that it's missing.
Me-ok   (this is where she begins to get pissed)
N-you gonna look for it?
N-well, fine i guess i will, do you think little guy knows where it is?
Me-ummmm, nope
N-Can I look?
Me-sure have a party..
N- i can't find it, you know you really need to be more responsible, you lose everything,don't you think it's time to get your act together??
N-Im going home
Me-ok, btw, if you go to the store today could you get me milk??
N-  .... door  SLAM
Yeah, missing things cause issues around here!!

Today, I'm here alone, and dammit, maybe she's right I'm missing two pairs of black shorts. I need these shorts, I wear them when I go walking or on the treadmill or running.  What I do not need is another excuse not to do these things. But man where are these freakin shorts??  I looked everywhere! Please if you know my boys, or my neighbor don't tell them because they do not need to know that my perfection train has fallen off the tracks... i really want these shorts though..

I have come up with the explanation,
"Curious George took off on his bicycle wearing my shorts, and the boys socks.  He is probably carrying a yellow book, and maybe a TV remote.  I'm sure he has pencils, and he's probably using them to write "HAHA"

Yep, that's gotta be it...

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